Five Hours a Day on Screens: Where Does Growing Up Fit In?

Five hours a day.

That’s how much time the average Canadian youth ages 12–17 is spending on screens each day. Thirty-five hours a week.

For most parents, that number probably isn’t hard to believe. They see it every day—gaming, scrolling, streaming. The phone that always seems to be nearby.We spend a lot of time talking about how to get young people off their screens.

I think we’re missing a bigger question is this:

What didn't happen during those five hours?

• Going somewhere on their own.

• Helping with something at home.

• Making a decision for themselves.

• Dealing with something that didn’t go their way.

• Joining in even when they felt unsure.

• Spending time with family or friends without a screen between them

• and my list could go on.....

These everyday experiences are where confidence, independence and the skills to manage life are actually built. Basically the stuff growing up is made of.

Real Life Takes Time

Screens give us things quickly. There’s always something new to watch, check or respond to.

Real life makes us wait.

I talk about this with young people in my sessions all the time.

• Friendships take effort.

• Learning takes practice.

• Things don’t always go our way.

When we get used to things happening quickly, waiting can feel harder, boredom gets uncomfortable and we become more likely to escape the things we don’t want to feel.

Eventually, life puts us in situations we can’t avoid or scroll past.

Where Anxiety Fits In

Young people need practice with everyday life; waiting, speaking up, handling disappointment and figuring things out when they don’t go as planned.

These moments are where coping skills are built. With less practice, everyday challenges can start to feel much bigger and overwhelming for them.

We can’t talk about an anxious generation without talking about how few opportunities many young people have to learn how to handle real life.

What Can Parents Do?

Instead of only asking, How do I get my kid off their phone? try asking:

What needs to go back into their day?

Turning 18 doesn’t suddenly teach you how to manage life. Those skills are built in all the years leading up to it.

So start with the everyday things:

• Order at the counter.

• Call the dentist.

• Ask the question face to face.

• Get themselves somewhere.

• Speak up when something is wrong.

• Deal with a problem without immediately handing it to us.

They may need some guidance at first. Walk them through it, give them the words if they need them, then hand it over.

They need practice with people too.

• Reading someone’s face and tone.

• Knowing when to speak and when to listen.

• Sitting through an awkward silence.

• Misreading something and repairing it.

• Disagreeing and working through it.

• Feeling left out and finding their way back in.

Social confidence is built face to face, not screen to screen.

Keep making room for real people. Have friends over. Eat together. Get out of the house. Put the phones away sometimes and give conversation a chance to happen. It doesn’t have to start with a huge change. Start with one hour.

Take Back One Hour

Take back one hour a day and put it toward real life. It doesn’t need to be complicated. Send them into the store with the grocery list while you finish your emails in the car. Have them make dinner one night while you get something else done. Let them call and book their own appointment instead of doing it for them. Have them figure out the bus route or directions before you leave. Give them an errand you would normally do yourself.

Look for the things you’re already doing for them and start handing some of them over. You’re not adding more to your plate. You’re giving them more practice while slowly taking a few things off yours.

How you introduce it matters.

This isn’t about taking their phone away for an hour. It’s about giving some of that time back to them and using it to prepare for more independence.

You might say:

“I’m not trying to take something away from you. I’m trying to give some of that time back to you. You’re getting closer to having more freedom and independence, and my job is to help you be ready for that. I want you to know how to manage your own life, solve problems, make decisions and take care of the things that will eventually be yours to handle. So we’re going to start with one hour a day to build some of those real-life skills. You’ll have a say in how you use that hour.”

Give them ownership of the hour. Let them choose how to use it, with one expectation: they have to choose something that builds a skill, connection, responsibility or independence.

One hour may not seem like much. Over time, those hours add up. They do more, learn more and start to realize just how much they’re capable of handling on their own.

Adulthood is coming whether they feel ready for it or not. Our job is to make sure they don’t get there still depending on us for things they could have learned to do for themselves.

Take back the hour. Give it back to growing up.

-Jennifer LeClair Avery

Source: Statistics Canada, Canadian Health Survey on Children and Youth. Median daily screen time among youth ages 12–17 reached five hours in 2023.