The Catfish Effect: The Pull of Pretending

Netflix’s Unknown Number: Catfish is disturbing on so many levels, not only because a parent built an entire fake world, because it exposes the powerful pull of deception.

As a counsellor, what struck me went beyond the shock of the story; the deeper takeaway for me was this: when people feel powerless, unheard, or lacking something essential, deception can feel like a way to take control.

I see this play out with some youth in my care — not in elaborate schemes, but in smaller choices. A fake account to watch friends. A hidden chat. A “pretend” version of themselves that feels safer than being real. These choices often come less from a desire to deceive and more from a longing to feel accepted, included, or protected.

I believe the bigger issue here isn’t the act of catfishing itself — it’s the behaviour that fuels it. For me, the takeaway goes beyond the show’s storyline. It’s about looking at what drives deception in the first place: the space between feeling powerless and choosing dishonesty.

This is the very dynamic I talk about so often with families — the split second where a teen can move toward resilience, trust, and honesty… or slip into lies. What they choose in that moment depends on the tools we’ve given them.

What Parents Can Do

The real work isn’t in catching the lie — it’s in shaping the space before it happens.

• Give them a voice. Small decisions show their perspective matters.

• Model honesty. Admit mistakes; show truth is stronger than perfection.

• Name the cost. Lies may feel powerful, but they erode trust.

• Offer safe outlets. Sports, art, leadership — ways to feel strong without hiding.

The mother in this story is an extreme case; however, the lesson is universal: when humans don’t feel safe enough to be real, they’ll create a world where they do. That’s why the space between matters so deeply — it’s where we, as parents and mentors, can shape the future. In that split second, we either pass on fear or we pass on courage. Deception fades quickly; connection carries forward.

Thanks for taking a moment to sit with me in this space. They may be hard conversations to have; however, they’re the ones that truly matter. If this message resonated with you, consider sharing it with another parent who might need the reminder — the more we talk openly about these struggles, the safer the space between truth and deception becomes for our kids.

-Jennifer LeClair

Youth Addiction Counsellor

Founder of Healthy Routes