We’re Failing Teens if We Don’t Teach This

In my work as an addiction counsellor, I’ve noticed a recurring question from teens often rooted in uncertainty, and it goes something like this in sessions: How do I ask someone on a date? How do I bring up an issue with a friend? How do I call a doctor's office? Handle the bank?

These may feel small, yet they are often impossible without a sense of self-worth and confidence. When those are missing, teens can struggle with impulse, turn to substances, or freeze in the face of everyday challenges.

Research shows this isn’t a coincidence; poor social or life skills in adolescence are linked to a higher risk of addiction, as teens may use substances to cope when they lack coping strategies or self-esteem.

Looking Ahead

Picture a teen you know, beginning to navigate choices and find their place in the world. Now, imagine them ten years from today. Here are just a few of the many moments they may face, and will they be ready to:

• Sit confidently in a job interview.

• Sign their first lease with full understanding.

• Book their appointments with ease

• Be able to have a tough, honest conversation with someone important to them.

What's Slipping Through the Cracks

Simply put, many teens aren’t getting the “reps” they need in communication, emotional regulation, problem-solving, and conflict resolution. Why? A mix of things—crowded schedules, heavy screen use, pandemic disruptions, and fewer chances to handle real-world tasks on their own. The list is long, but dwelling on the reasons won’t move us forward. What matters most is how we help them build these skills now, so they’re ready for whatever life throws at them.

Dr. Meg Jay, clinical psychologist and author of The Defining Decade, points out that 80 % of life’s most defining moments occur by age 35. Her research shows that the career moves, relationships, and pivotal choices that shape those years are grounded in skills and self-assurance developed long before that decade begins.

On top of that, evidence-backed programs show that life skills training boosts self-esteem, reduces risky behaviors, and lowers the likelihood of substance abuse.

Why This Matters Deeply to Me

As an addiction counsellor, I see the fallout firsthand. Teens with low self-worth are often at increased risk for addiction and may also lack the confidence to handle basic adult tasks. This isn’t about placing blame; it’s about focusing on prevention.

Life skills aren’t optional. They are critical to breaking the cycle of low self-esteem, impulsivity, and self-medication. Developing routines like asking for help, problem-solving, and self-advocating builds resilience; the kind that keeps people from going down darker paths.

How to Begin—Now

You don’t need grand gestures to build these skills. Start with small, consistent opportunities:

• Let them speak for themselves—whether ordering at a café, asking questions in a store, or calling a doctor’s office.

• Give them real problems to solve—resolving a minor schedule conflict or navigating a simple challenge without help.

• Ask for their input—on a real decision, and then talk through the “why” behind their thinking.

  
  

The everyday moments are the training ground, each one quietly building the confidence and self-efficacy teens will rely on when life delivers its toughest tests.

We can’t always wait for life to teach these lessons.

Healthy Routes, helps teens build resilience, communication, and self-assurance through targeted life skills training and counselling so they are ready for defining moments, before those moments define them.

If this resonates, I invite you to learn more at www.healthyroutes.ca and explore my book, Not Today, Frank!—a guide for parents and teens to understand and manage emotions and build self-worth.

The next generation is watching. Let’s make sure they are ready!